I’m in a bit of a philosophical mood today, and I”m pondering on the reason why most of my ex-lovers have not wished me happiness with my website, writing successes, or shown any form of kindness toward my new relationship with K. Is this because they still want me for themselves, or because they have trouble providing genuine appreciation for my career turnaround?
I doubt they will read this anyway, but just a little ‘Wow, that’s inspirational’ or ‘ Good luck in your relationship’ would be nice, but not everyone thinks like me.
Let me tell you how difficult this career transition has been. I quit a boring administration job in August 2008 because, quite frankly, I was sick of being used and spoken to like shit. It was hard because I had a mortgage at the time, but I trusted the Universe with Faith. I gradually build up my writing profile with ghostwriting and weight loss articles. I reviewed porn sites, while still carrying on with my erotica. I had no idea how to structure a sentence, punctuation and grammar failed me, and I used too many passive sentences and ‘told’ rather than ‘show’ the story.
Of course, I was buzzing that I had written these short horny stories based on my sex life, and I thought that a publisher/agent would love them. Rejection after rejection, I thought it would never happen. It is only now that I can look back and realise that I was rushing my work, and that it is always best to hone your talents, which takes time. Now, I have a traditional publisher who loves my erotica, and I have a partner who loves every inch of me. It is nice to be able to be genuine, because I think I always tried too hard with lovers before. If none of them took their time to get to know the real me, that’s their problem.
I am always happy for others, even my ex-boyfriend who fucked off with somebody I worked with. Forgiveness is important in order to move on in life. I suppose people show their true colours through jealousy, but why would I wait around for an individual who wants to use me for sex anyway. I am worth more, perhaps I didn’t know of this before, but I certainly do now!
So as well as taking on cleaning jobs, writing jobs, there is still only twenty-four hours to the day, and I have over 100 erotica stories to rewrite and complete before they are published. My motivation for my career path and faith has given me the edge to succeed. Belief is yourself is important with any creative path.
Listening to Brainwave Entrainment can also bring up memories, and perhaps this blog is a little of that, but it’s good to get it out in the open, I believe.
